The Last Passion of the VanKorgen

Today, VanKorgen convinced himself that he was the savior of The Bunker, and in turn, refused to leave the living room floor until jewels and corn dogs were bestowed upon him.

Roosevelt understands housekeeping

Roosevelt wanted to help the boys with some housekeeping. He did not help.

Vankorgen Creates Bunker Mystique

VanKorgen fancies himself as an artist, I suppose.

Bunker Nesting

Although there were two open beds, Vankorgen, Konig and Gates deduced that they had to "huddle for warmth" to survive through the night. It was 82 degrees outside.

BlanKorgen

I apologize for my absence. I have been away on a mental sabbatical. Because of this absence, I have been able to look at the bunker in a new light.  While I do not agree with most of the the Bacchic practices they perform, I have come to find a new respect for their antics.

Below you will find further evidence of their misunderstanding of even the most simple occurrences. VanKorgen was invited to a "black tie affair," and responded with a self portrait.

It is good to be home.

Bunker Wardrobe

I have been trying to pinpoint the height of Bunker high fashion, and I have finally come to the undeniable conclusion that it is the Snuggie.

This Is Unacceptable

My camera is a highly tuned precision instrument, Maxwell! It is not yours to tamper with nor will you ever be allowed near any of my tools again!

Colleagues, these photos are evidence that my personal belongings have been abused. If you recognize any of these incorrigible subjects, please contact the guild at once. I demand justice!

Safari

The boys put on pith helmets and proceeded to throw knives at a poorly drawn picture of a lion on a cardboard box and called it "safari." Should I be surprised?

Who is Brick

Before any important decisions are made, VanKorgen and Maxwell consult Brick. They fail to realize they are speaking to a mass of hardened clay. Regretfully, I am no longer surprised by such actions.

VanKorgen and Avi have a sleepover

I found VanKorgen and Avi on the couch today. VanKorgen awoke and told me that he directed the film "Casablanca," and that it turned out "pretty good." Immediately following this absurd statement, he informed me that he "made a gun that shoots power." I am beginning to feel my time here is for naught.

Further Introductions

 

This is the Avi creature. She is the only trace of intelligent life within the confines of the bunker, and she acts as if she is aware of this fact. She holds disdain for nearly all actions committed by Maxwell and VanKorgen, however her blind love for VanKorgen is ever present. 

 

This vile creature is the bane of all who frequent the bunker. His original name was Indy, but he was downgraded to "Nathan" long ago for his Nathan-like temperament, whatever that means. Also pictured is Jaeger, a particularly violent patron of The Bunker. I hold a particular distaste for Jaeger due to his insistence to repeatedly punch me in the lower back. The guild will surely hear about his actions.

Bunker Monster

While engaged in important paperwork, VanKorgen and Maxwell stormed into my study hysterical about something they had seen. They were pointing frantically to their living room area and while nearly in tears, they managed to convey the word "monster." I left my desk and important work to find their three friends, Moira, Jaguar and Fiesta stacked on top of one another, growling. I am not amused.

Maxwell's Touchscreen Confusion

Maxwell does not understand that not every electronic device uses a touchscreen input system. He is prone to outbursts where he seizes the nearest device and violently gropes all surfaces while inquiring repeatedly, "is this a touchscreen?". No, Maxwell, that is rarely, if ever, a touchscreen.

Bunker Business

 

Today, Maxwell and VanKorgen convinced each other they were businessmen, unaware that wearing a business suit and using hot words such as "synergy" and "globalization" does not in fact make them more than two idiots its in suits.  I am convinced they do not know what either of these words actually mean.

Bunker Functional Living

 

Oh look, Vankorgen and Maxwell made a hanger holder. 

VanKorgen's Sleeping Habits

The VanKorgen creature often seems to choose his places of rest arbitrarily. He seems to have no concern for comfort, privacy, or even quiet, as in this scenario his cranium was striking a long note on one of the bunker musical devices. Further research may be necessary.

Mating Practices

This morning I awoke to evidence of a failed attempt at procreation. The attempt is not unusual, however this particular method shows signs of desperation.

Introduction

Before we enter a world both strange and fantastic, it would be best if we acquaint ourselves with the key individuals who occupy the roles of "Bunker High Council." To better understand them is to understand the inherent essence of The Bunker.

 

I have come to know this creature as "VanKorgen." 

  

This is "Maxwell."

Together, they have created a realm of majesty and chaos. These are my records, to the best of my abilities, of the ongoing events within this environment. This is not fiction. 

This is The Bunker.